Today's blog was inspired by a business coach I follow discussing the concept of "building a business that works for you." Of course, it had me thinking about how I love to help you build your blended family in a way that works for you. You might be wondering, "What does that even mean? " Well, every stepfamily is unique. Some have lots of kids, some have one. Some switch custody every few days, others switch every week. Some have a birth parent and a stepparent, while others have two adults who fulfill both roles (bio- and stepparent). Every family is different and so is their way of being a family.
Creating the stepfamily you envisioned includes having clarity on what I call "The Big 3”: 1. A Strong Parenting Partnership 2. Effective Communication Strategies
3. An Understanding of Stepfamily Dynamics It’s important to remember that your journey will be different from others! Even if your sibling or best friend is a stepparent, your experiences will not be the same because the people and circumstances are different. It is easy to get the impression another family “has it all together” and to want what they have.
Be careful what you wish for! President Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This is so true! Especially when life feels hard and relationships aren’t growing as we’d hoped. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Those other, “more bonded” families have likely gone through periods of stress and chaos, they just don’t show it on Instagram! Those adorable “Look at us all getting along” photos don’t portray the hard work that went into healing old wounds, navigating changes, negotiating transition days, mean text messages, and fights over whose turn it was to buy new shoes. What you are seeing is a snapshot of a long, hard journey. 2. Each blended family has their way of doing things and it takes time to figure it out. Even simple things like daily routines, bedtimes, and chores take some negotiation. Holidays can throw everyone into a tizzy as a family figures out the balance of old and new traditions.
3. Each couple needs to develop their shared vision, values, and goals for their family. This will include adjusting for kids’ schedules, discipline, creating bonding experiences, holiday traditions, and so much more! The earlier the couple starts this process, the better!
Remember, this is your unique experience and you get to build your blended family in a way that fits your unique family best!
Today you’ve received permission to let go of how others think you “should” do things and begin exploring how to do it your way.
Wondering where to start? I have some great discussion questions in my E-Book, “Blended Beginnings,” that will help you and your partner get on the path to success! Click here to receive a copy today (it is part of my Blended Family Blueprint Starter Kit).
Have fun with the discussion questions! Let me know what you think by emailing me at amy@daretoparent.com
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