Discipline in Blended Families: The 2-Part process you need to know!

Have you ever had an A-HA moment that changed how you see things? I recently had

one of those, and it made me wonder—why did it take so long for this insight to click? I've been working with parents for over two decades, and yet, I still have these moments of clarity that reshape how I approach blended family challenges.

The Big Realization: Discipline Is a Two-Part Process

For years, I’ve talked about discipline and the importance of getting on the same page with your partner. But I recently realized that breaking discipline into two distinct parts makes it easier for couples to create a strong foundation:

1️⃣ Creating New Family Rules

2️⃣ Consistently Enforcing the Rules

This is especially important for stepcouples. Let’s take a deeper dive into both!

Creating New Family Rules

When couples have children together, they learn "how to parent" from the ground up, growing and adapting along the way. In blended families, however, one or both partners are already experienced parents, bringing their past approaches into a new parenting partnership.

This often leads to conflicts about whose way is the "right" way to parent. I often hear couples say things like:➡️ “It feels like we’re two families living in the same house.”➡️ “His way just won’t work with my kids. They’re used to how I do things.”

Most importantly, couples who don’t establish a shared foundation—a vision, values, and goals—struggle to create effective family rules. Without a common vision, what are the rules based on? What goals are you working toward as a family?

Consistently Enforcing the Rules

This is where many blended couples struggle. Even if you agree on the rules, how will they be applied at home?

Conflicting discipline styles are a common challenge. If one partner is routine-oriented while the other is more laid-back, this can be a strength—balancing each other out. But if you don’t align on enforcement, stress and conflict are inevitable.

There’s also the question of who disciplines which kids? While it might seem natural for both adults to discipline all the children, that approach doesn’t always work. Many couples I coach find success when the birth parent takes the lead while the stepparent provides support, while others need a more shared approach. Every family is different!

Another key factor? The Transfer of Authority.If a stepparent jumps into a disciplinary role too soon, it can create resentment or pushback from stepchildren. A gradual transition is often necessary, depending on the child's age, personality, and relationship with the stepparent.

Ready to Strengthen Your Parenting Partnership?

Creating a united parenting approach is a key part of my coaching program. This realization has even inspired me to develop new exercises for couples to navigate both rule creation and consistent enforcement in a way that fits their unique family.

Want to strengthen your parenting partnership? Get my free Blended Family Blueprint Starter Kit—it includes a Parenting Partnership Assessment to help you and your partner get on the same page.

Download Your Free Starter Kit Now!

What has been your biggest challenge when it comes to discipline in your blended family? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear your thoughts!